I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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