i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
