you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
