dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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