Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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