I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
