I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
