But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
