I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
