K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
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