I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
