I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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