margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
