I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
