Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
