Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
