they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
