And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
