I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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