ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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