kristin has been a bad kristin
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
