Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
