im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
