My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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