so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Randomize
