oh god the rape fog is back!
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
