Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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