It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
me + whiskey = a bad person
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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