sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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