If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
