I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
