The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
