Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
