Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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