normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
