Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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