Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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