i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
