Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Is it because I queefed?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
