Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
