I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
