I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
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