"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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