okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
