Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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