well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
