I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
