did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
