My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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