apparently the secret to your success is patron
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
