i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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