Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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